“To create more positive results in your life, replace ‘if only’ with ‘next time’.“
~ Andy Griffith
Its gold leaf ornamentation has faded to near nothing; the vibrant pink ceramic faded, too. It was my grandmother’s candy dish. The morning sun was blazing across its delicate glaze-cracked flowers just as it had a few weeks ago on the picture of me and Mark.
Maybe I’m noticing these things now because my life with Mark and Mamaw has changed so unexpectedly since the tornado. You wouldn’t think life with the dead could change any more once they’re long dead but, you’d be wrong. Mark’s grandparents lived across from Mamaw. Both of the houses were destroyed. His grandparent’s place was sold last week to make room for Budget Rental Car (a business so ridiculous I have no words beyond ‘ridiculous’). I’ve been offered money for Mamaw’s place. The thought is like losing her all over again.
The reality is that Mark and Mamaw won’t be there anymore, or rather, my memories of them won’t be. Places as familiar as my own skin will be radically changed so that even I won’t recognize them. The two now seem to greet me with the morning sun, in my home, not theirs. It’s a weird sensation to be grateful and grieving in equal measure.
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