“Every moment our purpose calls us to join in its unfolding. Appreciate the beauty that is all around us, spread the joy that is in our heart, investigate the mysteries that cross our path.” ~ David Bennett
From the fifth floor writing center, the view of central campus is second to none. I can’t really say the same for the photos I try to snap through its windows. That statement has nothing to do with what I’m about to say, but I can’t think of a decent segue. <insert laughter>
I got the scare of a lifetime Sunday. A large lump appeared, centered just below my breasts. I poked and poked until it became sore. Then it got bigger. My terror quickened. Coupled with continued weight loss through the holidays (rare), and an unhappy tummy from time to time, and my anxiety skyrocketed. I called the doctor post haste.
When I decided to lose weight I had no idea the profound effect it would have on my body. Sure, there was the better fitting clothes, unlabored breathing, and all that stuff, but I didn’t realize that losing so much at my age is vastly different than losing it at, say, 30 or 35 or even 40. This morning I saw the doctor. The “lump”, as it were, is actually my xiphoid process: a bone at the tip of the sternum. I have lost so much weight, and my body fat shifted so drastically due to age, that it’s now very visible. The swelling? Well, that’s what happens when you poke on something long enough! Lesson learned. The tummy aches? When you shrink your stomach after months of eating home cooked foods instead of processed crap, you just can’t handle too much volume or processed crap anymore. The anxiety, too, is partly due to the weight loss working against the amount of medication I’ve been taking. (The other part was due to sheer terror <insert more laughter>)
To express gratitude to God, the Great Creator, for this relief is virtually impossible. I’m renewed in my journey to do right by this body I’ve been given, and my spiritual faith in God and the Universe reaffirmed. But I have to say that I have also been given a deep understanding for those faced with a much different outcome than my own. It’s the scariest place I’ve ever been, and if there’s any way I can be of help to those I may meet who are facing such obstacles, I hope I’ve also been given the compassionate skills to do so, much like Stacy Yelton had today. God bless her for being the calm voice of reason when I needed it the most. I really am the luckiest woman on the planet, as if I didn’t already know that.
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