“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?” ~ Danielle LaPorte
I’ve had a beautiful, introspective weekend. I’ve mostly been thinking about photography and my role with it. I love pictures, but more than looking at them, I love making them. The point of photography for me is a way to explore how I see my world and the people in it. There’s nothing unique about that. I have tried a few times to do it commercially (weddings mostly), and every single time I come away needing a drink…. and I rarely drink, let alone drink to calm my nerves. Over the last week there have been a few nudges from the universe reminding me why I didn’t choose to go into photography as a profession. It boils down to this: With money comes expectation. I can go to work and follow orders no problem, but when it comes to expression, particularly the form of expression I hold personally close, I simply can’t do it. For lack of a better term, I find it spiritually difficult. I don’t mean to suggest that every hired experience I’ve ever had has been bad, far from it, but the few bad experiences I’ve had were enough to last a lifetime. I’ve had several conversations about this over the past few days, and each one has allowed me to let go a little more this idea of what I should be (a professional photographer), and be okay with who I really am. And who I really am is a photographer documenting my world, not a photographer for hire. There are lots of good photographers out there who want to do it for a living. I’m happier doing it for myself, and I’m extraordinarily grateful to everyone who let’s me photograph them as part of my explorations. I’m happiest when I’m just being me. Aren’t we all?
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